Desires – Are all your belief they will make you feel better
Category: Live your best life | Published : October 5, 2017
All your desires are because you believe they will make you feel better. I mean 100% of them whether they are for food, a new car, a bigger house, better clothes, swim the channel ;), win the lottery or just a cup of coffee.
Think about it? spend a few moments any desire you have is routed in this.
These desires might well make you feel better, but only in the short term because they are external. So they will bring up your mood, but they are unfortunately not permanent, when you achieve these things you will have a new desire. This is called Hedonic wellbeing it is based on the notion that increased pleasure and decreased pain leads to happiness. The problem with this is it needs constant external achievements (things you’ve decided you like) of desires, and avoiding pain (things you’ve decided you don’t like).
Good examples of this are lottery winners or celebrities, they achieved their desires and have everything but it wears off quick and now they have everything and still aren’t happy….
But there is a much better and simper method to attain happiness, Happiness is just internal pleasantness. You can feel internally pleasant right now. Try it.
So lets use an example, think of something that makes you feel happy. Lets take a cup of coffee, a sunset or holding hands with someone special to you.
Now what are you feeling inside? (internaly) pleasant possibly even very pleasant.
Remember you just felt this with out even having that external experience.
Our whole experience of the world is based on our bodies interpretation of our senses, our minds interpretation of whats happening based on its model of the world and our beliefs of whats good and bad (its very binary like that good or bad).
So all our experience of the external world is internally interpreted. So if you decide to feel internally pleasant and decide to feel internal pleasant regardless of whats happening externally you will be happy. If you feel internally very pleasant you will feel joy.
So how do you practice this and improve on it? just that practise feeling internal pleasant several times a day. It will grow the more often you do it. its a skill, one unfortunately society has taught us comes from desires and achieving these. Desires are great they drive us, but don’t wait until you achieve them to feel pleasant, feel it right now.
it is this simple but also theres more you can do Ill write a full blog post on how to do it soon.
My goal in life is the same as everyone else Joy, to be happy
Category: Live your best life | Published : September 15, 2017
But only until recently have I realised how important it is to clarify this and make it my focal point for the majority of my effort, otherwise “life”* & other goals take over and no progress is made.
Now I want to clarify I am a very happy person and for those of you who know me, you do know me this isn’t me faking happiness. I am, but I also know that what I experience is not as good as it can get. I am still worried a lot, and spend far too much time concerned about fears, money, work, the future, the past…… A lot of time in my head.
I also know that this comes from a false belief of what life is about. We are so easily influenced & environment, upbringing, society the media, this has created false pressures and goals on what I should be aiming for.
I also see a lot of fantastic people unhappy, stressed, depressed. They are chasing money, success, achievement, possessions, holidays…. In the belief this will bring them contentment and Joy.
I want to help firstly myself, but also others understand how to be unburdened by this and how we can truly be happy.
So I will be blogging regularly and sharing my journey. This will help me to clarify what I’ve learned but also help inspire others and invoke conversations with me about it.
Below is my third post on this subject:
I came across Sadhguru on the insight timer, a great free ap for mindfulness.
He is a fantastic guy and the wisdom he shares is simple and uncomplicated. So I got his book Inner Engineering.
The first thing he teaches is:
What I touched on above, everyones goal in life boils down to being happy.
Say your goal is to be a professional tennis player, Why? so you can be successful, live upto your potential, earn good money to support your family, be admired. But why? deep down because you believe that will make you happy. Take any ones goal it will boil down to this.
So now you’ve established your goals to be happy, next all human experience is interpreted by our body/mind. Sights, sounds, feelings, thoughts, its all felt and interpreted on the inside.
So if how we experience the world comes from our internal interpretation of the world, all our experiences are actually internal not external at all.
Bliss is when your internal self is in a pleasant state, Joy is when your internal self is in a very pleasant state. Now this can be produced via the external world or it can be produced internally and just feel pleasant about what you are currently doing.
If all experience is internal interpretation, we are able to be unaffected by the outside world. By consciously interpreting our experience rather than reacting to it.
This is done by taking responsibility for all your internal experiences, understanding that they all come from you. The opposite of this is to do what you do not and react unconsciously to every experience.
So my current focus is to develop this responsibility for my internal experience. I have had several fantastic experiences already:
Yesterday I eat a large salad consciously, I tasted and experienced each mouthful. I had to fight a compulsion to rush it down and also even as I right this it sounds so self indulgent?! to take time to myself and experience food, on a week day! Some of the mouthfuls felt incredible and i was uncomfortable getting that experience from food. I must have some english beliefs tied to experience great pleasure form food holding me back.
I also have used the technique several times when frustrated with others, I just am conscious of it and see how I would like to react, realise this would not benefit me and would only upset the other person and so I choose not to react and with in 60 seconds the worlds great again. All the powerful emotion is gone.
So this is where I am at the moment. I now get up 1hr earlier each morning in order to fit this in each day. So I will be making progress each day and sharing it, please do message me and chat about this.
(*Note the “Life” I referred to above is what we call life, its not life but its the term we use. Life is so much more than something that gets in the way.)
Discover your destiny – with the monk who sold his Ferrari
Category: Book reviews,Live your best life | Published : September 1, 2017
A Fantastic read – if your looking to live your best life this book will show you the path.
Where I found the book:
I found this book on my honeymoon in a free book section in a restaurant in Thailand. I was not looking for self improvement because I get too excited by these books and loved my life already and felt there was not much I wanted to work on.
I had also spotted his other book “the monk who sold his Ferrari” in the airport, but decided not to buy it. So if you “believe” in fate you could say it was meant to be ( but I don’t…. yet).
I also have read loads of books and done courses on this field so I approached the book casually and just enjoyed the easy reading style.
The book is a fictional tale which follows the life of a highly successful businessman who has hit rock bottom, the monk appears in his life and helps him to discover his destiny and to become his best self.
It is written in such a way with seven stages of self awakening, so that the reader can follow these steps.
For me I love the fictional character of the monk, I need that larger than life inspiring person to look upto as an example of how great you can be. I have really struggled to find someone like this because all the successful people I have come across, struggle to truly enjoy life & all the gurus who get life don’t inspire me. The monk was a great blend of this.
Description of the book
Stage 1 ” Living a lie” is one of the things Robin has done very well and was a big break through for me.
He makes you understand the lie we are living and the pain this causes us. He uses Plato’s Allegories of the Cave to teach you this, but I went away and did this in more detail.
I highly recommend going through this and journaling on it properly. For me it opened my eyes to the fact I spend my life watching the shadows and believing them to be what life is about. For me its because to stop believing in these and basing my life on them would be first hard work but most of all it would mean giving up on all the things I currently have based my ambitions and spare time on. Its simpler just to sit back down in the cave with everyone else, I wasn’t unhappy.
He also explains really well other lies we believe:
Scarcity – We are brought up thinking there isn’t enough and we must take and earn as much as we can as quick as we can. Its all out of fear why we are so obsessed with money, but we can never have enough.
Self improvement is a lie – Your already perfect, we just need to find our way back to integrity. As humans we are born perfect and just take on bad beliefs and habits in order to be liked, this is called Enculturation when we take on beliefs, values and behaviours from those around us to fit in and be loved.
External wealth should not be our highest goal, money is good and does make it easier to do nice things. But it should not be our biggest aim, and is a by product of helping others. We should seek spiritual wealth and peace.
To hurt another is to hurt yourself.
In stage 2 “The choice point”
What he does well here is he makes you make being your best self your biggest goal & he gives you steps on how to make time for this and make this part of your dailey routine.
He does this really well. Were I had been going wrong in the past was not making this my biggest goal & also not making extra time in my day for this.
He also goes into recycling – When you keep making the same mistake over and over until you learn and fix it. For me one of these lessons is utility bills!
Stage 3 -“Awareness of wonder and possibilities”
This again he does really well and introduces you to the “integrity gap”
I have heard integrity mentioned and its importance on courses before, but they have never explained or gone into it. Its incredibly simple and also powerful.
Deep down we all know what is right and wrong to us, and when we go through enculturisation we go against these rules in order to fit in and be liked. We also break them because we are tired or because we believe they make us feel better. This causes a big gap between who we are deep down and who we are being and this is the integrity gap.
Every time we do something we know isn’t right we cause ourselves pain, after a while we become numb to this pain because but we do keep on expericining it deep down. This causes us to not love ourselves and so seek love form others and so further increase the integrity gap.
But the great thing is as we close the integrity gap we like our selfs more and so seek love from others less and so can close the gap further.
This can ultimately lead us to become our authentic selfs, and not fear being disliked by others because we truly love ourselves.
Stage 4: “instruction from masters”
In this stage he explains the need to go out and learn from masters, but also the importance of being a leader and not a follower. Each of us will have our own best self and this can not entirely fit other peoples teaching, but by reading their philosophy we can better understand our own.
This ties in nicely to the power of journaling and how we must do it everyday. It really is the only way to know your inner self and develop your own philosophy.
Stage 5 “Transformation & rebirth”
He has a great point on learning any skill comes in 4 stages:
He applies this to our life & you realise most people are unconscious incompetent at running their life, they don’t know what they are supposed to be doing or how to do it. This is like getting on a bike and falling off with no idea what your supposed to do.
It also is great because you realise with enough practice you can become unconscious at living your best life with no need for effort. What a place to be!
He then points out well most people never make it along this path, how far do you want to go, before you give up?
Again he mentions focusing on self worth not external self worth. Being significant, not successful.
Stage 6: “The trial”
In this section he highlights how you will likely have to go through tough times to achieve this, there will be low points but you’ve got to keep going.
Maturity as a human being is about loving what you have not worrying about having what you love.
Stage 7 “The great awakening of self”
In this section he makes you face your death and realise that you are mortal. This is powerful as we live our lives thinking we will do things one day once we achieve this mile stone. But we forget we could die at any point, each day could be our last and once we are dead we are gone! Thats it.
For me the book has been fantastic, it has made me realise I how much I want to become my best self and what I need to do in order to achieve that it has also helped me realise I want to teach and help others find their goals in life and help inspire and guide them to be their best selfs. There can be no better job in this world, helping others gives us much more than it does them.
Landmark Forum – Im free, Nothing matters
Category: Book reviews,Exercise tips and advice,Live your best life | Published : December 8, 2016
Your free to Nothing matters.
Now some people have genuine life or death problems but if your on Facebook or taking time to read this I really doubt right now your having a life or death problem.
I certainly don’t, I have a fantastic life. However I am not truly free and able to appreciate a lot in my life. I spend the majority of my time thinking, lost in thought, in the future ill be content but not yet. Thinking:
- Worrying about the past ” Did I do that right?” “is everyone in my life happy?” “do people like me?”
- Excited about the Future “When I earn this Ill be able to buy this… and live here…”
Telling myself Stories “John didn’t reply so that means this…” “That driver cut me up, so he’s…”
Now I have been doing mindfulness each morning for 2 years, and I get a lot from it. Clarity each morning. I feel fresh and have a clean slate to start each day. But that drifts away relatively quickly and try as I might I haven’t been able to sustain that clarity through out the day in my busy life.
But I do have that clarity now, I have the tools I need to be free of all this thinking and its so simple.
The land mark Forum
Last week I went to London and did a 3 day course called the Landmark forum,
The landmark Forum is a weekend course which teaches you how to get the best out of your life.
Its a breakthrough course meaning at the end of the course you will have had a breakthrough, not learnt new information to file away with other skills learned.
Each day is long, 9am-10pm! But it doesn’t feel this long. you do get uncomfortable and do clock watch from time to time. But this is important.
You are encouraged not to take notes, this is because the course is simple and boils down a few key principles which you will get, but only through experiencing the course and spending the 45 hours breaking down the old habits of your life:
- Creating Stories, your interpretation of whats happening but is not real yet you spend all your life thinking these and talking about these to others?
- Letting you life be run by your Fear of what you look like to others, while they do exactly the same thing worrying about you.
- Living by the past, and living each moment for the future which never happens.
- Running rackets, These are bad habits we have formed which we run automatically on people and situations. We run them all day on everything from our loved ones to traffic lights.
So what did I get? whats the secret to living a good life?
ALL WE HAVE IS RIGHT NOW.
The past and Future don’t exist, they are only in our mind.
The past does not exist its gone and we must let it go. Everyone is placed by the past, but if you just let it go your free from it.
The future does not exist, you must not live thinking about how you will be happy there.
You can do this:
Bad things have happened and thats a fact, but they are in the past. Don’t drag them with you your whole life.
If you spot rackets and stop running them.
If you spot stories and stop engaging in them.
Stop trying to give everything meaning, this is your big problem. Nothing means anything, stop trying to give every situation, person, conversation, incident a reason things happen drop it.
Also stop trying to figure out life! Its simple Nothing matters! enjoy each moment.
But the best way to do all this is to do the landmark forum, its just 3 days! and you get to drop the past and live now.
Now for those of you who worry about the nothing matters?
Well it doesn’t, one day you will be dead & none of this will have mattered.
But you can make things matter to you and this can be good. Once you realise nothing matters, your free to enjoy each moment and for me helping others, not harming anyone or anything is a big part of this.
Think about it you spend all your time thinking about things that don’t matter in your life you have no energy left for those people and things that do. Stop watching TV when nothings on, Drop Facebook, Stop analysing everything, stop constantly worrying about the future. This will free up a lot of energy which you’ll find you now direct outwards to things that do matter in the present.
When you let nothing matter, you drop all the things you think matter and can focus on things that do matter like every task your currently doing, all other people, conversations, animals, the world.
If you like this and would like to find out more, please feel free to chat to me & the only way to truly get this is to do the landmark forum. I sat with 200 other people some of which had been through incredibly bad situations but they got it and you can to.
Thanks for reading.